How to Practice the Yab-Yum Tantric Sex Position

How to Practice the Yab-Yum Tantric Sex Position

The Yab-Yum is considered to be the most basic of the tantric sex positions. It is the position most people first hear about by name when they begin to explore the world of tantric sex. When reading books about tantra, it is often the first of many sex positions to be illustrated. It is known for its ability to enhance intimacy and to prolong erections without orgasm. While not the easiest of the sex positions of tantra, it is still one you can learn and practice without any specialized instruction.

Enjoy the Yab-Yum Any Time

How to Prolong Lovemaking With Tantric Sex

One of the main goals of tantric sex is to prolong lovemaking. This is of particular concern to men, who are more prone to quick finishes than women. In fact, most women have no physical limits on their lovemaking sessions, other than their personal endurance levels. That’s why most tantric sex classes and books focus on techniques that bring the man in control of his orgasmic responses. Keeping his orgasm in check is the key to prolong lovemaking in tantric sex.

How to Enjoy Tantric Sex

Tantric sex is an experience sort of like a dance, if you will. A certain flow where two bodies become one, a union of sprits connecting. This lovemaking is very expressive and intimate. This experience teaches lovers how to extend the peak of their sexual ecstasy bringing it to an entire new level.

 Create a relaxing and romantic atmosphere. It should feel warm and inviting. Light some candles, add some fresh flowers, hang some exotic artwork, play soft music, and dim the lighting. You should feel comfortable and at ease.

Powerful Chakra Meditation to Open Third Eye

Third Eye Chakra Meditation Technique

Charka Meditation from Kundalini Yoga

Third Eye Chakra Meditation Technique Background

One of the best chakra meditation techniques is of course the traditional AUM Mantra Meditation to Open the Third Eye, and in this article I am going to give another great chakra meditation technique for opening the all important Third Eye which comes directly from the school of Kundalini Yoga.

Opening and balancing the Third Eye Chakra (Ajna Chakra) is a key step in one’s spiritual evolution, as the Third Eye is the seat of intuition, and having this center functioning optimally gives one access to the guidance of the Inner Guru.  To learn more about the chakras you can read the article, Kundalini Yoga Seven Chakra System Overview.

This particular chakra meditation technique uses many different facets of Kundalini Yoga technology to accomplish it’s goals.  It uses the power of Yoga Breathing (Pranayama), Yoga Mudras (Eye and Hand Positions), Yoga Numerology, Visualization and the power of Concentration Meditation to activate and open the Third Eye Chakra.

Briefly, the Third Eye chakra is located in the center of the brain and can be stimulated by concentrating on center of the forehead, in between the eyebrows.  As mentioned above, the Third Eye Chakra is responsible for intuition and controls the function of the eyes and perception.  It is related to the number 16, and AUM is the seed sound for it.  Another article which explores chakra meditation techniques, which might interest you, is the following: Top 3 Chakra Meditation Techniques.

This Third Eye Chakra Meditation Technique is the 10th meditation in our Free Online Guided Meditation Techniques E-Book. 

Benefits of Third Eye Chakra Meditation Technique: 

Primary Benefits: 

• Opens the Third Eye Chakra, building intuition and insight.
• Builds mental fortitude, mental focus and willpower.
  
• Calms the mind and bestows inner peace and silence.
• Promotes the acquisition of Psychic Powers.
• Helps penetrate the veil of duality and see the non-dual nature of Reality.
  

Secondary Benefits: 

• Improves the visual system.
• Improves the respiratory system.

Cautions for Practicing Third Eye Chakra Meditation Technique:

• Initially this technique is certainly challenging to do.  It will take some commitment as well as willpower on your part in order to master it, so be patient.
  
• If you use the additional emphasis on opening the Third Chakra by holding Shambhavi Mudra (explained below), make sure you are not straining your eyes excessively when doing so.
  

Third Eye Chakra Meditation Technique Illustration

Instructions for Practicing Third Eye Chakra Meditation Technique:

• As per the illustration above, sit up on your heels in rock pose, raise your arms straight out to the sides at a sixty degree angle and have your hands bent at the wrist pointing outwards as shown.  If rock pose is difficult for you, you may also sit in sukh asana (simple cross legged) or even on a chair for this meditation if you like.
  
• Gather all your attention and focus on the center of your forehead, right between the eyebrows.  You may feel a slight pressure, or other such sensation building there as you practice this meditation.
  
• Now comes the hard part :-D.  Start to inhale in sixteen parts and exhale in sixteen parts.  This means that sixteen tiny sniffs will be used to make one inhalation and sixteen tiny sniffs will be used to make the following exhalation.  Continue this breathing pattern for the duration of the meditation.  If sixteen sniffs is too many, start with eight and build up from there.
• With every sniff visualize a tiny silver hammer tapping the center of the forehead.  So 16 taps during the inhalation and 16 taps during the exhalation.  
• Start with 1 minute, build up to 3 and then onto 11 mins.  From there you may push further if you like, building up to 31 minutes.
  

Advanced Third Eye Chakra Meditation Technique: 

• If you are comfortable with the above technique, and are ready for a greater challenge then apply Shambhavi Mudra throughout the practice to enhance the affect on the Ajna Chakra.  Shambhavi Mudra is applied by keeping the head straight, eyes closed, but turning the eyeballs upwards such that you are trying to look through the center of the forehead.  If you do apply Shambhavi Mudra, please do not strain the eyes and release it if the eyes tire, while continuing with the rest of the meditation.

Effective Tantra Breathing Technique to Prolong Sexual Intercourse

In Kundalini Tantra Yoga we don’t try to suppress or sublimate sexual energy, instead we look to raise it’s vibration so that our sexual charge can be utilized for nourishing our higher centers (chakras).  There are many Kundlaini Tantra Yoga Kriyas (sets), breathing exercises and meditations to help raise and channel our sexual energies.  In due course I will provide these techniques on Mastery of Meditation, but in this article I want to explore the closely related school of Sexual Tantra which is the application of Kundalini Tantra Yoga with regard to sex itself.

In this variation of Kundalini Tantra Yoga, the sex act is utilized to not only arouse and intensify one’s sexual excitement in order to reach heightened states of eroticism, but, much more importantly, sex is used to reach and experience altered states of consciousness.

Of the many requirements and prerequisites for practicing Sexual Tantra the following 2 are most important:

Key Requirements for Practicing Sexual Tantra:

1.  Loving Partner:  Most important for the practice of this branch of Tantra is to have a loving, understanding and hopefully interested partner.  Sexual Tantra is not really about just having sex, although you may end up doing that a lot :-).  It is about exploring this communion between the male (Shiva) and female (Shakti) manifestations in order to reverse genesis.  In other words, from One there came many (in this case 2) and in Sexual Tantra, via sex, Shiva and Shakti merge such that the many return to One. 

2. Sexual Control:  If you want to go very far in the exploration of Sexual Tantra, you better learn to master your sexual passions.  There are many facets to this mastery of your sexual nature and this article is to help the male partner master his ejaculatory response during sexual intercourse.

Tantric Breathing Technique to Prolong Sexual Intercourse:

The following technique is a variation of Kapalbhati Pranayama and it is simple yet very effective.

During sexual intercourse, as the excitement peaks for the male and he approaches orgasm he should begin to do Kapalbhati Pranayama through the mouth.  Specifically, he should puff air out of his mouth while pulling in the stomach muscle sharply with each exhalation.  As in Kapalbhati, allow the stomach to relax for the recoil inhalation to take place. This rapid puffing out of air through the mouth changes the blood chemistry and will retard ejaculation by easing the blood supply to the male sexual organ.

As with any skill, practice makes perfect, but unlike the grind that practice usually is, I suspect you won’t mind working on this one so much :-).

Tantric Sex Techniques

In Taoist sexuality writings they say, the woman is like water and the man is like fire. What normally happens is the water puts out the fire too quickly, the man is left exhausted and the woman is frustrated. They say there are in fact nine levels of a woman’s orgasm, nine levels that she goes through before she’s fully nourished sexually before her Shakti, her sexual spiritual energy is fully awakened. Most women have their first orgasm at level four; the man ejaculates and the other five levels are rarely reached. We as conscious men, as extraordinary lovers need to be able to make love as long as necessary to satisfy our woman and at the same time reach higher orgasmic states ourselves.

There are two tantric sex exercises, two techniques that will help with ejaculation control. One is P.C. Muscle exercises and the other is the breath.

These exercises are also beneficial for women to extend their orgasmic response, taking more pleasure for herself and to give more pleasure to her partner. The P.C. muscle is the major muscle of contraction in both sexes for orgasm, so strengthening it increases sensations of pleasure.

The P.C. muscle extends from the base of the spine where it is connected to the coccyx, to the front of the body where it is connected to the pubic bone.

A good way to locate the P.C. or love muscle for yourself is that next time you are urinating try to stop the flow of urination in mid stream. This will give you the feeling of activating the muscle. Then later on in your own private space practice tensing and releasing the muscle several times so that you get the sense of how to do it you can know. It is a good idea to incorporate these P.C. Muscle exercises into your daily routine, associating them with some particular activity you do independent of your lovemaking sessions. Then these exercises will become habitual and you won’t have to set aside a special time to practice. For example you can practice while you drive or travel too and from work. No one will know you are doing it and it can be quite enjoyable. One of our friends in fact, Helen said she started doing this every day for a month while driving to work but unfortunately she had to stop because she said the sensations were getting so strong that she couldn’t concentrate at work because she couldn’t think about anything else at work other than sex and she couldn’t wait to get home to her lover.

And once a man has a strong P/C he can spread the sexual energy up and through his body during lovemaking so he can experience wave after wave of peak pleasure without coming so that he can make love for as long as he chooses, maybe even hours!

Another secret is working with your breath. What most men do as excitement builds up is hold their breath as they get close to climax. If men are to reverse the flow of sexual energy the best way is to breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically.

For women to enhance your own ecstasy you can us the P.C. Muscle and breath exercise also. You can do this at peaks of energy to spread the orgasmic energy throughout the body. Another way you can enhance your pleasure is to mentally trace or visualise the energy running up the inside of the legs through the calf, the knees and thighs up into the vagina. This is especially good to do if the mind is wondering off onto other things while making love; it helps focus the energy.

Some women need to focus it rather than to spread it and this can amplify the orgasmic response you already have and is especially good for women who find orgasm elusive. What you do is to keep squeezing the P.C. Muscles without spreading the energy. To squeeze the muscles and to feel the charge building up and keep squeezing the P.C. again. It is important to release and bear down as well; this also acts as a focus. Playing with these elements of breath, P.C. Muscle, visualisation, as well as movement and sound you can extend your orgasmic potential to one, two, three or even more orgasms. All women are capable of extending their orgasmic potential. The woman’s Shakti is unlimited. The Shakti is the sexual spiritual energy of which women are the custodians. As the Shakti awakens so does the priestess, the healer, the empowerer and the goddess of love within.

A woman’s sexual awakening can propel her on a spiritual path. Men may practice celibacy and achieve spiritual enlightenment, but according to the Tantric texts women’s enlightenment is facilitated by the electric charge of her orgasmic nature.

Tantric Overview

Sex Education

The act of bringing a child into creation is almost as significant as being human. You give of your self completely. Wanting to be fully present emotionally, providing for them materially and even physically when they fall down and skin a knee. You are also ‘there’ for them spiritually by introducing them to your understanding faith and what it means to you and how you practice your beliefs in day to day life. Ultimately, you are also their first teacher about sexuality. Whether you want to be or not.

All cultures and religions have some form of mystic sexual teachings. By embracing this worldview, we can teach them about the sacredness and significance of sexuality without excluding any religion or god. In our history, we have spent hundreds of years trying to keep minorities, women and social reformists down by attempting to hide knowledge from them. We now we see the great contribution and empowerment these very people add to our society. Our children are sages, for they lack all the limitations and misconceptions that we have for years adopted as the truth. It’s us that should be asking them about sex.

Tantra: A Goldmine of Sacred Enlightenment
When you hear the word “tantra”, what comes to mind? A bubble bath for two, a candlelight massage, and a sensual escapade? Some forms of the media often present only Tantra (also known as Sacred Sexuality) as an exotic version of sex.

Most people want what works, especially what will bring more love, pleasure, joy, and harmony into their lives, particularly their love life. Authentic Tantra can provide much more for those who are seeking a deeper, more profound experience of their sacred energies and consciousness.
Tantra and Tantric Sex - An Overview

It can be said that Tantra teaches you how to use sexual energy to achieve altered states of consciousness that create a union between the earthly and the divine — between the sexual and the spiritual. This is achieved by slowing down time, which is done by slowing down the breath and silencing the mind, and by being absolutely present to what is being experienced in this slowed down time. By focusing your attention on your senses, you become so attentive to what you are experiencing you begin to attune to the energetic realm within yourself and your partner. You use your attention to intensify, expand, and direct your energy to different places in your own and your partner’s body. In so doing you can create a circle of bliss between yourself and your partner and can now generate ecstatic states at will. Tantra is best taught through direct experience of being with an adept.

“Tantra” truly is.

The Business of Bliss
The Relationship Between Tantra and Raw Food

I’m done. Good luck in your own grand experiment, fellow beings. I’m going to cuddle and eat apples with my baby, and nurture bliss now.

Can a Man Really Become Multi-Orgasmic?

I get asked this question a lot. For the record, the answer is Ohhhh Yes!!! From the tantric perspective, orgasm is not a goal or completion of sex, but rather an aroused physical and emotional state that literally can be experienced throughout one’s entire being. The longer one lingers in this aroused state of excitement, the more energy and life force they can absorb and radiate. A man may have multiple orgasms without ejaculating and yet actually feel energized in the afterglow. As a woman, I can only tell you that it’s extraordinarily satisfying to be with a man who can continue to ride wave upon wave of pleasure with me. It creates a deeper and profound feeling of union.
The techniques that assist one in developing these skills can be learned and mastered with practice. Physiologically, it is possible for a man to have orgasm without ejaculating. Sadly, it is also possible for a man to ejaculate without much physical pleasure at all! Orgasm and ejaculation are functions that are activated by separate parts of the nervous system. Although they often do occur simultaneously, each of these functions can be experienced independent of one another. To a man this means prolonged and multiple orgasms are possible without an ejaculation.
During ejaculation, sleep hormones are produced and released in the brain. An immense amount of proteins, vitamins, minerals and amino acids as well as vital energies are lost in the ejaculate. Although austere Taoists such as Mantak Chia, author of the best selling book, “The Multi-Orgasmic Male” may disagree, I believe that this depletion factor does not mean that a man should never ejaculate except to procreate; but rather to do so with consciousness and wisdom. When a man ejaculates, if he plants his seed along with an intentional thought or vision, it becomes a conscious conception; whether it’s for a baby or an empowering state that one can conjure and imprint, it is infused with the creative life force.
A non-ejaculatory type of orgasm for a man can occur repeatedly without him feeling exhaustion. Once a man comes and “spills his seed” he’s usually spent; especially if he is past the age of 35 when his hormone production begins to slow down. Tantric practices offer a man the ability to maintain a level of heightened arousal with numerous peaks and multiple dimensions of exhilarating pleasure. Many men find this to be more satisfying. The key is to be able to be excited and relaxed at the same time. On the “pleasure scale” of one to ten, a man must learn to maintain a level seven (which is heaven) for as long as he desires. Breathing and movement exercises can assist one in opening up to feeling fabulously aroused while calm and centered at the same time. Orgasm is deep like the ocean, we cannot control it, yet we can learn to ride the waves and experience great pleasures and the immense benefits that it brings.
Depending on a man’s health, his age and other conditions, frequent ejaculation can be depleting. With tantric methods he can learn to actually re-absorb his vital essences and become empowered by them. When a man doesn’t ejaculate during orgasm, he is able to effectively move the energy and fill his body with a highly charged and oxygenated life force. Through the simple techniques that Tantra teaches, a man can reach an orgasmic state that satisfies on a deep and peaceful level. In fact, men who don’t release after sustaining high levels of pleasure often feel energized and rejuvenated afterwards. This expanded state can last for days and can lead to a more refined sensitivity towards pleasure. This profound experience can be enjoyed solo, or with a partner. With proper guidance and practice, men often find a tantric orgasm more pleasurable and satisfying than an orgasm with release.
When a man experiences multiple orgasms it awakens him to feel a very similar experience to a woman’s sensations. Men have often reported to me feelings of pleasure that rise to their heart with a lightness and glowing warmth that radiates throughout their body. Men who are multi-orgasmic have the potential to become more emotionally intimate and able to join with a woman in conscious sexual bliss. When a man discovers his ability to relax into pleasure, it takes him to a new level that can only be understood through direct experience. Relaxing into pleasure is a gateway that can open him up to realizing his full spectrum of orgasmic states.
As a Certified Tantra Educator I can assist you to discover what is possible and appropriate for you. Ultimately it is your choice - Do you want to lose the power of this dynamic force or cultivate it and discover the full range of what’s available to you as a multi-orgasmic man?

Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What is Tantra?

A: Tantra is a body of information that comes from ancient India during a period of time when people understood the power of sexuality and regarded their sexual energy as just another powerful force to be used in daily life. It was just as important during those times to be versed in that art as it was to be good at your career, to raise children, play sports, or to go to church. The techniques I use help people to integrate their sexuality with the rest of life, so the sexual aspect is no longer something to be ashamed of but a force to heal yourself and bring more creative, spiritual, sensual, magical energy to your daily life.

Q: How many sessions will I need and how often should I come in?

A: There is no set number of sessions that you should have. You will learn techniques that  will benefit you and that you can incorporate in to your life after the very first session. It depends on you personally. I don’t ever tell people they have to come a certain number of times. Some people experience it out of curiosity and find they love it, but it isn’t a path for everyone. I love my dedicated students, they become my teachers and friends. It always has to be people who are committed to transformation and open to really experience all of life’s emotions. Some clients come every week, because they really get the value of this work, and they want to be masters.
I have a few clients that I’ve been seeing for years and years. Those are the relationships that are especially wonderful, because we are truly learning from each other and watching tremendous growth take place, both in us individually and as a Tantric love team.

Q: Is this counseling?

A: Counseling only addresses one level the mind. You can go around in your head all day and you will still have the same issues, all you will get is maybe a better understanding of them. This works on a body and spiritual level as well as the mental. So it addresses the physical imprints, and communicates directly with your soul to find out what action needs to occur in order for a healing to happen, as well as finding out how to support that opening after the revelation.

Q:Is this full service?

A: I am not a gas station. And I don’t make any promises to people as far as what is or isn’t going to happen during a session, because I honestly never know. Each session is different because I tune into each person’s body to find what their individual needs are, which can often be very different from what their expectations are.
I’m interested in working with people who have open minds and can release their self limiting picturess. Tantra is about sharing love and energy without goals or agendas. I do what feels good and appropriate to me for each individual session, and I can’t say what that looks like until afterwards.

Q: What do you wear during a session?

A: I have no hang ups about my body. I may in various states. Either topless or nude or in sensual clothing, a bra and sarong. Again, I just go by my intuition, and what feels appropriate.

Q: Should I work with several different goddesses or should I just stick with one?

A: There are definitely advantages to both. Working with several teachers and attending a variety of workshops and events gives you a broader perspective of what Tantra really is. Every single teacher I have studied with has a completely different approach and focus and a unique way of presenting it. When you find a teacher you like you’ll want to stick with her because there is a depth and richness in the intimacy that is an essential part of Tantra. If you find yourself wanting to flit around to lots and lots of different Goddesses, it could be because you don’t feel you are ready for that level of deep connection.

Tantra, Men and Sexual Healing

Two years ago I wrote an article on women and sexual healing which was published in the Kali issue of the Tantra magazine. Men responded very warmly to the article, echoing women in feeling disenfranchised and sexually unfulfilled. I felt moved to write about men out of a sense of personal responsibility in furthering our common healing while cultivating an awareness of mutuality between genders. My purpose is to explore how men have also been wounded. I am aware of the dimension of the subject matter and that I can only barely scratch the surface yet that’s a start.
Although I have worked privately with over a thousand men as an instructor of basic Tantric and Taoist practices and as a sexual healer and that I ;have loved many men in my life including six younger brothers, I also must admit that it is with a limited confidence that I approach the subject of male sexual woundings because I am not in a man’s body. I can’t access the same cellular memory that I do when I talk about women. Nevertheless I have seen, felt and heard men’s woundings and the unnecessary suffering that results from having a penis.
Attempting to understand how a man experiences himself as a sexual being requires that we take a closer look at how we’ve all been wounded. We’ve all been victims of a socialization and discrimination process which defines our sexual identities and roles. We are seen only as either a “man” or a “woman”. Eventually I came to understand how gender roles hurt everyone. Before being seen as a human being with very individual characteristics and choices, we are being labeled by our genitals as a male or a female and treated accordingly within our culture.
To be a “man” in most cultures requires the “person with a penis” to be a performer and provider. Men are trained and conditioned for these roles from an early age. The core of this macho training is a denial of the full range of emotions and body feelings. As Robert Bly says: “Contemporary business life allows competitive relationships only, in which the major emotions are anxiety, tension, loneliness, rivalry and fear. Having no soul union with other men can be the most damaging wound of all. Much personal power is given away in the process of denying one’s true feelings.”
Competition, success, ownership and external rewards become the foundation of Superman pseudo power.
Since emotions are categorized as “something for girls” the young boy learns very early that:
A. it’s not okay to feel like girls
B. that there must be something with being a girl
C. to be a man must mean to be strong, to be in control, to not show feelings and to see himself as superior to women - misogyny becomes identity.
This conditioning insidiously crystallizes the male role of performer, hero, macho, provider, achiever, doer. That’s how we transform a human being into a human doing. From that place of isolation from his true self, he becomes an easy prey to a system that only values external rewards such as success and ownership. Competition becomes the rule and the way to relate to other men. The degree of his denial of emotions and bodily feelings may lead him to extreme abuse of power, greed, destruction and violence. Wars and the destruction of our natural environment are just examples of such denial.
An interesting study of Warren Farrel Ph.D. further points out that “men are socialized to want sex as long as one condition is fulfilled - physical attraction. Women are still taught to be sexually cautious for two, three or all four conditions - attraction, respect, emotions and intellect - are met. Many women add a fifth and a sixth conditions - singleness and status/success. Many add a seventh, eighth and ninth - the man must ask her out; he must pay; and he must risk rejection by initiating the first kiss; be the first to hold hands, and so on. Men feel as if their expectations are so much lower than women’s, which is only one condition, and they can’t even meet that. And so men feel sexually powerless.
While men are focusing on physical attraction and external rewards, internal rewards such as communication, intimacy, love and commitment remain unsatisfied. Lack of sexual fulfillment results in powerlessness for both men and women. Rarely do we think of men as sexually powerless mainly because we associate the male phallus as the symbol of sexual power. I see this powerlessness manifested in many ways. In my work I constantly encounter premature ejaculation, difficulties with erections, lack of sexual feelings, and lack of skills and confidence in their sexual expression.
During sex, a phenomenon that Western psychologists call premature ejaculation happens to 75% of men, preventing them from experiencing a deep union. What this usually means is that the man has not allowed his partner to develop her energy into an orgasm. As a result, in normal sexual relations the percentage of women experiencing frustration and no orgasm may be as high as 80%.
Can you imagine when this situation persists? The results are performance anxiety, lack of self confidence, feelings of embarrassment, frustration and shame, lack of sexual fulfillment and deep suffering. I am a firm believer in ejaculation control as a solution to World Peace staring at home by creating more sexual fulfillment. My personal contribution to this is a beautiful 60 minute audio tape, a step by step Sexercises Training which teaches total ejaculation control and how to prepare the body for male multiple orgasm.
The absence of a rite of initiation into malehood with proper sexual training also contributes to male sexual wounding. Men are not trained to know how to love women. A man’s first experience of female love is with his mother. This relationship will determine a man’s capability to love and trust a woman. Most men have been severely wounded from deeply unfulfilled mothers who projected their own needs, dreams and expectations onto their sons. The son often became a substitute for an absent father and lover. A man’s fear of women’s control affects how willing he is to surrender to women’s sexual power. His unconscious fear of women’s inexhaustible sexual power confronts him with his vulnerability, especially if he fails to meet his own expectations as a sexual performer. His desire for control is challenged by a temperamental male phallus which can let him down at any given moment without notice. We call it “cumming” while it should be called “going”. Because, unless a man learns to transmute his energy before he ejaculates, once he “cums” he is gone. His energy, his interest in his partner are gone. The man who repeatedly experiences this lack of control over his sexual energy will often end up feeling powerless.
Such experiences of powerlessness may tap into a man’s earliest experience of having his genitals mutilated by circumcision. “No one is aware of the deep implications and life-long effect of circumcision. All that takes place in the first days of life on the emotional level shapes the pattern of all future reactions. How could a being aggressed in this way, while totally helpless, develop into a relaxed, trusting person?”
“Could the trauma from this event have anything to do with our later feelings of shame about our bodies, our concern about the size of our penises, our anguish over sexual performance, our frozen feelings, or the male ability (liability?) To ignore pain? In order to begin healing our wounds we need to remember what happened to us and name it correctly. Cutting the genitals of newborn male babies is child sexual abuse. I encourage all men to join in ending this practice.
The more I read on the subject the more upset I become. A more recent factor which unfortunately has also contributed to men’s woundings is feminism with its often times vehement objectification of men. In the spirit of retaliation there isn’t much room for discernment. The more sensitive men took on the hard blow, right under the belt, in their power center. While the male power structure was actually the object of attack, many receptive men’s personal power got blasted. On top of not having adequate male role models, now simply being a man was a cause of shame, blame and discrimination!
Finally I am suggesting a last yet certainly not the least important factor of sexual woundings. It is the fear around sexuality which men have also inherited at a cellular level from patriarchal religions. Indeed patriarchal religions throughout the ages had people killed off for being sexually alive. The human body and its erotic power became a source of evil. What if instead, it would have been considered a source of divine embodiment?
Perhaps the phenomena of the New Age man is a natural response to these woundings. I think it’s a rather creative one. These men have opened themselves to their intuitive and receptive side. They know how to be gentle and sensitive. Which is exactly what women had asked from men. The problem is that through this process they have often lost the more bold, active and penetrating qualities required for personal power. In that way they’ve compromised their maleness! And of course, it’s bound to affect their sexual power.
Whether or not modern man is in touch with his emotional pain, his body can’t lie. The most striking way that sexual woundings is affecting him is through the disease of his prostate. In this country, over 50% of men experience prostate difficulties beyond the age of 50 while prostate cancer is the second leading cause of male death. The medical establishment seems to ignore the cause of it. Aside from the immediate physical causes shouldn’t we pay closer attention to the more obvious which is the surrounding environment; the quality of the air, water and food? The chemical substances present in the environment get most particularly concentrated in the sexual organs.
At another level, the significance of the disease of the male sexual organ reflect the difficulty to convert this tremendous testosterone power used for wars and destruction of the planet into a creative, peaceful and sacred source of energy. It is time to collectively give birth to the peaceful warrior, to the wise man who can meet the wise woman in true power and equality, mutually supporting our freedom of being divinely human.
So here is the same question I asked women in my previous article. How can men begin to reclaim their sexual power?

Sexual Choices for More Meaning and Expression

Adrenaline sex, liquid sex, hard sex, flowing sex, expanded sex, tantric sex, soft sex, extended sex, wet sex, slow sex, ecstatic sex, long-distance sex, quickie sex, more sex… we want it ALL!
In expressing sexual energy, we experience the divinity and diversity of the human body’s potential for awareness and feelings! We are inspired, we are alive, we channel the creative life force flowing through us, either by ourselves or to be shared with others.
Whether we make love three times a day or three times a year, it’s our choice to hook into this life force energy, superficially or deeply. In this age of diversity, when we can tune into hundreds of video channels, radio stations, even web sites, there’s just about everything available for everybody. Alternatives abound! Choices are ours for the taking. The decisions… and resulting experiences… are ours to make. Responsibility rests with us… each of us. No regrets, no blame, nobody in charge of our pleasure destiny except us! Choice involves levels of consciousness in one’s erotic focus, desires, partners, situations. The question is whether we are in a conscious state of alertly and sensitively being in the moment, or are we acting automatically, unconsciously, out of past habit patterns.
The bottom line for us in getting for most out of this life force energy we call sex is to select a path of loving consciousness, wherein self responsibility, empowerment, self-esteem, sensitive spontaneity and clear communication rule. Are we not worth the best possible experiences, adventures, encounters and relationships? Yes, yes, yes! We opt for less stress and more fun. We experience healthy consensual sexual activity as a vital expression of overall health and vitality. We do what we feel to do, separately and together, rather than follow a preconceived idea of what is acceptable. This is our time, this new millennium… an age of diversity, acceptance and exploration of possibilities. It is an age of sexual/spiritual empowerment… living as Gods and Goddesses in the flesh.
For us, first there were the sexual freedom days… all kinds of sensate experimentation. Mmmm good. Then we began to explore deeper ways to relate, as well as new ways to raise, focus and play with the sex energies. We began to include the entire body as a divine field of pleasure. We felt the sexuality of touch, massage, dancing and drumming… even merely gazing into each other’s eyes, or breathing together in simply rhythms of inbreaths and outbreaths. Feelings of aliveness began to spread into every waking moment that we chose to connect with that creative vital frequency. Our relationships felt deeper and more intense. We met each other. Lust and love, passion and consciousness, all blending into one integrated whole. We married. Five years passed. It got pretty esoteric… and yet we never forgot that we are in bodies, that these bodies are here to feel pleasure, to raise and share energy, to harmonize and merge into a oneness that can’t really be written about.
So what can we write about… even advocate in this turning of the ages? One of our mottos is: “expand your envelope of pleasure!”. When communication between lovers is easy, trusting and frank, all roads that lead to the oneness of orgasm are worthy of exploring. It could be a “gee whiz” innocent curious vibe, maybe a sweaty physical test of body stamina, or a dissolution of individual identities into a sea of pulsing psychedelic bliss. It’s all up to the most sexual of all organs: the brain! After all, first comes thought, then comes action! So within our fairly loose boundaries, we intend to stay open to as many choices as appropriate. We listen to what our bodies are telling us, and if it feels okay, we explore. After all, in order to know the boundaries of pleasure, we surrender to the possibilities that sexual diversity offers. Each of us has that choice to make. That’s where the ‘muscles’ of consciousness need to be exercised! For some, there will be many choices, for others, just a few.
New ways of communicating, keeping the dance of energies passing back and forth between bodies and hearts, have been some of the most exciting discoveries for us. Giving each other breath and hair massages, for example. This involves first slowly breathing over the entire body, front and back, in rhythm to sinuous playful music. Then, we repeat the entire process using one’s head of hair, stroking the skin with many different kinds of head motions. Another example, in the spirit of non-verbal vibratory communication, is rhythmically drumming on each other’s in turn, in time to hypnotic trance dance music. There are so many ways to make sounds by forming one’s hands and then slapping the willing thighs and ass of one’s willing partner! (We call this activity “body drumming”… it really gets the appropriate skin areas awakened and juiced up!) In our workshops, video and music, we explore many different paths to “vibrational engorgement”, where every cell of the body is aroused and excited, rather than only the primary erogenous zones. It’s kept us looking and feeling young… and it’s fun! (We’re slim and trim and in our fifties.) Sex doesn’t have to be so serious! For us, although sexual expression is sometimes geared to emotional or physical ‘release’, most of the time it’s in the pleasuring of the other… then the pleasuring of the self, and finally dissolving into Pleasure itself! For us, this has been a path of breath, sound, touch, body positions and movement… as well as lips, nipples and genitals. It’s become the yoga of sex! (Some call this ‘Tantra’.)
In the spirit of diversity, we’ve seen that contacting, exploring, balancing and celebrating the male and female energies in each of us, whether we are in a male or a female body, is a wonderful arena of investigation and play. There are many techniques to taste, fill and share these energies with one another. When both partners have options of undulating and/or penetrating, receiving and/or giving, being the passive and/or the active one, not only does this lead to delightful variations on all the basic sexual moves, it also develops a sense of playful partnership where supportive intent replaces competitive intent… we call it ‘interplay rather than powerplay’. A perfect example of this perspective is in our video INTIMATE SECRETS OF SEX & SPIRIT, where we demonstrate ‘horizontal dancing’. One partner lies prone while the other uses his/her body parts to move around the prostrate body, sliding, rubbing, wiggling, pressing and undulating… again in rhythm to erotically arousing music. Another example, from the video, is where we demonstrate ‘joys of the languid lingam. Here, the male partner is totally relaxed, surrendered to being played with by his partner, and she handles the aforementioned member as her own tool for pleasure. No performance anxieties for the male, lots of relaxed pleasures for them both! Finally, in the spirit of sexual health and wellbeing, we show how to give and receive prostate massage for the male and g-spot massage for the female. We are of the firm belief that lack of stimulation in these intimate locations blocks vital energies and breeds decay in the entire body vitality. One might compare these techniques to the need for flossing the teeth… to keep the mouth and teeth happy and healthy!
Finally, we have found that utilizing fantasy together, creating different erotic sets and settings, acting out and being channels for ‘larger that life’ energies, brings new dimensions in which to experience familiar sensual and sexual positions and activities. It may mean the creating of a harem setting, a bordello, a monastary, a divine temple, military barracks, a pirate’s cave… or whatever turns one on. It may mean taking on the energy roles of: the planets Venus and Mars; the elements like fire, water or earth; or gods and goddesses from different historical and cultural traditions. The point is to explore and expand the boundaries of loving expression… and have FUN!

Cultivating Male Sexual Energy

BECOMING A MULTI-ORGASMIC MAN

The classes are offered as a series over a period of 3 months. They are focused on assisting you in developing the ability to have control and mastery over your sexual energy and re-creating your erotic nervous system. They are not focused on immediate sexual gratification but rather on building sexual energy and learning how to circulate this energy throughout your entire body, eventually leading to full body orgasm(s) and orgasm without ejaculation.

SESSION FOUR:
In this session you will have the opportunity to receive a Taoist Lingum Massage. This massage is focused on doing The Big Draw ( a Taoist exercise designed to give you a full body orgasm) at the end and not ejaculating. To really experience this you will have needed to do the homework over the past 3 months and developed the ability to master your sexual energy to some degree, to breathe continuously and to relax your body while aroused. This session is optional.

Tantric Ritual Healing

This ritual focuses on healing your specific issues. You can address the areas of your life you wish to enhance, explore new possibilities and expand your horizons by adding to your menu of delights.

Just because you have experienced premature ejaculation, impotency, lack of sensation or sexual desire, that does not mean that your problem is physical. Emotions are wise, if you deny them, they manifest on a physical level, so that you will be forced to address them.